Contention, strife, and conflict often destroy our relationships and organizations, yet too often we don’t understand why we struggle with such things and why they are so prevalent in our relationships, companies, churches, and homes. What causes conflict? What is the source of strife? When we fail to understand the answers to these questions, we work on surface issues in an effort to resolve conflict. When we deal only with the surface issues, this helps to promote the image of unity, but it never truly produces true unity.

In order to eliminate contention and strife, resolve conflict, and build true unity, we must get to the source of our strife and deal with the causes of our conflict. To do this, we need to see ourselves and our situations accurately and objectively. We need honesty, humility, and integrity in our hearts and in our relationships. We need the courage to take a good, hard look at ourselves, at one another, and at our life situations and organizations, and be ready to see that the source of strife and the causes of our conflicts often lie within us. To gain peace and unity, WE must change.

Conflict always begins in the heart, and then flows out into the arena of life, hurting and damaging other people. A contentious spirit is one that stirs up people, turning mole hills into mountains (or ants into elephants, as they say in Russia) and building walls instead of bridges in relationships. We should never harbor bitterness, envy or grudges in our hearts. When we do, we harden our hearts, ruin relationships, and hinder growth and progress.

Bitterness begins in the heart and then flows into every area of our lives, if we let it. Bitterness robs us of our joy and peace, and affects many people around us. Therefore, we must always guard our heart and prevent bitterness from taking root and growing. Only you can prevent conflict from starting and growing. It takes two to tango, and when someone begins their unhealthy dance, we need to take a seat. If no wood is added to the fire, the fire goes out. That’s the way to deal with conflict. As the angry person or partner cools down, you can then work on discovering the cause of conflict and the source of strife, and together work to build unity.